Lost Trust
by CUtopia
Summary: They once were best friends, and so Lily can't say no to meeting Severus a last time, even though they are in the middle of a war.


Entry for the _Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition_ , Season 5, Round 8 - Wigtown Wanderers vs Kenmare Kestrels

 **Position:** Keeper

 **Prompt:** [Headcanon of the Captain of the Montrose Magpies] - Lily and Snape remained in contact during the war

 **Word Count:** 2,150 Words

 **Betas:** DinoDina, AelysAlthea

Entry for _The Ultimate Doctor Who Challenge/Competition_

 **Amy Pond** \- Write about Lily Evans.

* * *

 **Lost Trust**

The night air was crisp and chilly, a harsh breeze carrying the cold through the dark streets and making Lily shiver as she walked, her own footsteps on the cobblestones echoing so loudly that her body it was making her body tense. Her fingers were curled tightly around her wand in the pocket of her Muggle coat, the smooth wood against her skin giving her the illusion of safety as she left the wards of her home.

Clouds were slowly pushing themselves in front of the moon, taking away the last bit of pale light that had been shining down on her, and the darkness ultimately swallowed her as she left the village behind. Lily's heart was beating fast in her chest, making her feel overly aware of her surroundings, and the hand not clutching her wand came to rest over the small bump protruding from her stomach, caressing it. She could feel how her nervousness was affecting her little one, and she tried to soothe them both by taking a few deep breaths, but inhaling the night air didn't help much.

As she walked down the country road, trying not to jump at any sounds the animals of the night were making in the bushes and fields around her, she felt the first flickers of doubt rise inside of her.

What the hell was she doing?

The times were dangerous. People were vanishing or being killed every day, and yet she foolishly left the relative safety of her home because of a letter she'd received. And she hadn't even told James about any of this, so in the case something happened to her, nobody would know where she'd gone.

That alone was bad enough, but the fact that she was supposed to make sure the little life growing inside of her was safe and sound made her sneaking away even worse.

If James knew any about this, he would probably be disappointed and hurt that she'd been keeping a secret from him for quite some time now. She'd been meaning to tell him about the letters, she really had, but somehow she'd never found the right moment, and so weeks had passed in which her correspondence with Severus had remained her secret.

At first, she'd been as sceptical as James would have been if she'd informed him, wondering why her former best friend was writing to her out of the blue. Lily had been suspicious, but the questions he'd asked in his letters weren't formulated at all as if he were seeking for information to use against her as she might have expected. Former friends or not, he had still joined the Death Eaters and thus was now an enemy too.

But there hadn't been anything like that; his letters had obviously been carefully composed, asking about her wellbeing and her safety without demanding any details about her current location or activities. Had their fallout not happened a few years ago, it could have been a normal exchange of letters like the ones they'd had when Lily and her family had been away during the summer holidays.

Initially, she hadn't wanted to reply, but ultimately she'd started answering, a glimmer of hope rising inside of her that in the middle of this horrible war, with death and mourning a daily companion, there was still some light in the world.

And then, earlier that evening, a harried owl had tapped its beak against the window of the living room only minutes after James had left to spend the evening with Sirius for Order business. She hadn't been exactly surprised that Severus was writing yet again, as their exchange of letters had become rather frequent, but the nature of his newest letter had been puzzling. He sounded more urgent, his writing looked crooked and rushed, and for the first time since they'd started their correspondence, he asked her to meet him, giving her a time and location. His last sentences read almost like desperate begging to her and struck a chord inside her; a gut feeling she simply couldn't ignore told her that she had to go – what if he was in trouble?

Of course she'd considered that it was a ploy for a betrayal, and it still was a very real possibility that he would try and lure her into a trap, yet she weirdly felt she owed him to at least listen and see why he was so desperate to meet.

And so here she was, alone and without anyone to come to rescue her if something went wrong; Lily asked herself a final time why she was doing such a stupid thing before leaving the road she'd wandered down. Her boots sank into the slightly damp soil of the field she was now crossing, able to spot the outline of a hill with a willow in the pale moonlight.

There was no turning back now.

OoO

Darkness engulfed him as another cloud swept across the moon, but Severus didn't move a muscle. He felt like he'd become too acquainted with the darkness to be discomforted by it, even though he knew that he was risking his life in this moment. Standing on the small hill as if he were a statue, his robes billowing in the cold breeze as the only motion, he stared over the fields and into the general direction of where he knew the town to be, trying to spot movement in the darkness.

He'd debated with himself for a long time if he should really ask her to meet him, but ultimately the annoyingly persistent voice in the back of his head, informing him of the amount of guilt and regret he would feel if he didn't at least try to talk to her, had won. No matter how troubled their past was, Lily still was the only real friend he'd ever had, and it still meant something to him. And of course he still loved her, even though they were on opposing sides; there was simply no way he could keep the information he'd attained away from her, especially not when they were writing each other letters. The start of their correspondence had admittedly been out of pure sentimentality on his part, and he felt angry about himself that he'd grown slightly dependent on their exchange, as he would be in trouble if anybody found out, but he couldn't help it. This was just too scary, the possible outcome too horrible to keep to himself, especially since he knew how his master had interpreted the information.

Would she even show up?

Anxiety and doubt started to rise inside of him and mingled into a mixture that made it hard to suppress the urge to start pacing; he pondered if he'd really done everything to make sure she wouldn't think this was a trap. He knew he couldn't expect Lily to trust him, but had he used the best formulation to avoid raising suspicions in the first place?

The soft crunch of dry leaves underfoot drawing closer ripped Severus from his thoughts, and his heart lurched when he finally spotted a figure moving towards him. She was briefly illuminated when some of the pale moonlight managed to filter past the clouds and there was no doubt it was Lily; he was sure that he would be able to distinguish her from a crowd of thousand people. Severus knew the way she moved, her posture when she was excited, scared, or angry, and he realised from the way he could barely stand still that despite not having seen each other since they graduated, nothing about his feelings for her had changed. Was it foolish to dare and hope that their meeting meant that maybe they had a chance to start over, far away from the war that was raging within the Wizarding society?

"Lily," Severus breathed when she stopped in front of him, and he had to clear his throat to regain his control over his voice. The sight of her was as wonderful as that of water for a parched man in the desert. "I'm so glad you came."

He allowed himself to absorb her appearance for a moment, trying to memorise the moment in case this would be the last time they met. To him, it seemed like she'd only gotten more beautiful since they'd left Hogwarts, her features more mature, and despite the worry lines on her forehead, she seemed to glow. Not even the more than obvious baby bump could dampen Severus' mood. The baby growing inside of her, even though it was Potter's, didn't deserve to be born into a world full of death and pain, and he would do everything to keep its mother safe.

It was the tone in her voice that pulled him back to reality and effectively crushed his pathetic dreams of running away with her. "Severus. Why did you want to meet me?"

She sounded nervous, rushed and alert, and he knew he should have expected her to be reserved and wary around him, but he still couldn't help the sinking feeling in his stomach. "I wanted to see you, make sure the git… that Potter's keeping you away from harm."

"He does, Severus. Was this the only reason?"

"No, no," Severus hurried to say, his heart clenching slightly at her distant behaviour. Her arms were crossed in front of her chest, she'd stopped a few steps in front of him, and he was sure that she would deflect any questions about how her life was now if he dared to ask. "I… there's something important I have to tell you. I'm already risking a lot by coming here, and telling you this is even riskier, so I beg you to listen to me."

He paused for a moment to ensure that he had her full attention, and nodded in relief when she gestured for him to continue. "I've gotten my hands on information that implies you and your baby are in great danger."

"We're in the middle of a war, Severus." Lily snorted, the sound scaringly loud in the darkness, and shook her head. "I'm always in great danger."

Panic rose inside of Severus as she got ready to turn around and leave him standing there, and he hurried across the distance between them, grabbing her wrist. "Please, Lily, listen to me! I know something that Dumbledore hasn't told you about yet! You'll become a target sooner rather than later, I'm serious!"

The words of the prophecy he'd overheard still echoed in his head, connecting with the words of his master about his interpretation of it, and it made a cold shiver run down Severus' spine. Lily frowned as she looked up at him, obviously more than displeased about the way he was holding her back, and Severus hurried to release her wrist as if she'd burned him. "I swear, I'm not trying to fool you or lure you into a trap. This is the truth! It's a danger you can't even imagine! Trust me, Lily, I can get you somewhere where they won't find you."

Desperation was raising the tension inside of him with every second, and the words bubbled out of his mouth almost uncontrollably. It got even worse when Lily's scepticism became obvious in her expression, her eyebrow arching in the way he knew all too well.

She wasn't believing him.

"It's going to take more to fool me, Severus. Did you seriously expect me to fall for this? And even if what you're saying is the truth, you know I would never leave James behind. He's my husband, and we're having a baby together!"

Determination shimmered in her green eyes and Severus instinctively took a step backwards, feeling like he'd been punched in the gut. "I only tried…"

"I shouldn't have come here. Take care of yourself, Severus."

Severus tried to suppress the trembling as she turned around on her heels and walked away, quickly disappearing into the darkness. The realisation that he'd completely lost her trust because of his actions in the past weighed down heavily on his shoulders. Lily didn't believe him, and his hope that he would rekindle their relationship by saving her life was effectively crushed.

He needed a moment to collect himself, fear pulsing numbingly through his veins until a last idea slowly started to form in his head. There was only one person he knew who would listen to him, and who Lily would listen to and not disregard so easily. Someone who knew more than everyone else about the situation the wizarding world was in.

Albus Dumbledore would help him and make sure that Lily was safe, and Severus didn't care if he had to continue to walk down the path of being a traitor to support this mission.

For Lily, he would do anything.


End file.
